29 October, 2008

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!

Seriously? A thunderstorm in Northern Maine in October? What the crap? It's just not right!
You know I can't stand thunderstorms. The second I saw that lightning through the blinds, it was like two months of general weatherly complacency vanished.


I pull the blankets up to my ears with just enough air to breathe and stuff my fingers in my ears realizing that a thunderstorm is a bizarre time to discover that maybe I need to clean my ears a little more often.

This is no ordinary 'heavenly' "furniture moving" or "baseball game." This bowling tournament started with a strike (yay, team?).

Everything is still and then the heavens unleash their watery fury and the storm continues with rumbles that sound like a microphone amplifying my stomach rumbles right before Christmas dinner.

My breathing is laboured and panicky. Mr. J. just slumbers on.

The wind is howling and I'm sure the roof is going to start peeling back at any second.

More gasping, more panicking.

Great, just great. I have to go to the bathroom.

I nudge Mr. J. "I have to pee. I'm turning on my lamp."

"mmmmmmmmumble, mumble, mmmmmmm"

I scurry to the bathroom wondering when the Little Goat will wake up or if she has inherited her dad's knack for sleeping through nearly anything.

'Please don't wake up now, please don't wake up now,' I silently plead.



Luckily, I'm already sitting on the toilet.

I race back to the bed, not caring about missing the creaks in the floor, pausing just long enough to sit on the edge of the bed with my ears plugged for another crackle, then jam myself back in my blankety cocoon.


Then the wind picks up again and the crashing continues. I am the only one awake....and my mind turns to theological questions: I shouldn't be afraid. I should have confidence and faith that God will keep us safe. But I'm sure many people of faith have been affected by tornadoes and hurricanes and severe weather before. Does that make God less sovereign? No. Does it mean He loves me less? No.

The verse comes to mind: "Cast all your cares on the Lord, because He cares for you." In light of the storm and the frightening wind, those words seems somehow inadequate. I need a voice from the deep like Moses with the burning bush. Or a chorus of angels to my poor scared shepherd.....

Then my thoughts shift to other important questions:

What if the LG wakes up? Am I going to have to go in there and rock her back to sleep during the storm? By myself?

More gasping.

How will I control my fear when our kid(s) are actually old enough to grasp the palpability of it? How will I be strong for them so they won't be afraid?

Jess and Torsten are getting married on Saturday and I think their pictures are outside - what if the weather is stormy?

Then just as suddenly as it started, it stops. The wind, it temporarily dies down...and the baby awakes with a start.

But we are safe.


Bryan said...

"What the crap." I know you had a whole post here about the storm and all, but really this piece of brilliant prose is what impressed me the most. I wonder if there is a way I could slip it into a sermon?

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post! Even though you were frightened, thank you for sharing the truth here.

While I can't relate to the SOURCE of fear requiring you to conjure up these verses (I love, love, love thunderstorms--of which there is a grand total of zero in LA!), but I can certain relate to needing a Rock in times of fear.

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Beth said...

I know all about trying to miss the creaks in the floor to not wake the baby up!