In Which I am Accidentally Ridiculously Politically Incorrect*

The following is a conversation that occurred two days ago, the end of which I have not heard since.

(Watching CBC - as usual - and a commercial for special edition Olympic coins comes on, specifically wheelchair curling.)

Husband: Oh look, it's the wheelchair curling commercial again. They sure are emphasizing wheelchair curling coins.

Bren J.: Yeah....lazy-ass curling.

Husband looks at Bren J. with mouth agape.

Bren J. (with look of lightbulb suddenly turning on): *gasp* Did I just say that?!?! Oh man, I totally didn't mean it that way. I was thinking of people sitting in regular chairs trying to curl! Seriously!

Husband continues to look at Bren J. with mouth agape.

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So that's me and that was my bumbling-idiot-let's-be-completely-insensative-to-people-with- dissabilities- moment. This continued lack of sleep really is NOT helping. My apologies!

*This post also fulfills my burning desire to begin the title of a post with the words "In Which." Woohoo! Finally!

Also, in my previous post, I used the word "germaphone." Obviously, what I really meant was germaphoBe. I CAN spell and I do know what I meant. You knew what I meant, didn't you? Well, didn't you?!?!

Day Surgery and a First Stroll(er)

Oh relax, relax, I'm not having surgery...We're back online over here at the J house. Finally! The computer isn't 100% yet, but it's functional. (Indeed, I did pine for you. Do you know how easy it is to write posts in your head when you have no way to post them?) Here's a picture of Husband performing surgery on Ol' Betsy (who is really only four years old, but that's like what, 100 in human years?) under the watchful tutelage of my uber-tech-savvy FIL with only a bit of 'backseat fixing' from yours truly as I watched and paced like a mom waiting to hear if her teenage daughter had a good time on her first date (or how I would imagine that to be).

Also here's a picture of the Little Goat after her first stroller ride. Don't be deceived! Husband took two pictures and in the first one, she was about to let out a good scream. Bonus points for us who had the genius idea of putting her in there when she was already asleep, then going for a half-hour walk. When we finally got her back in the house she was quite awake and looking quite baffled to be in her new GreenMobile. But it's a fabulous stroller and we love it. (Thanks Grama & Grampa!) **********************
In other news, I've been told by several people that after a few weeks with a new baby you really can't remember what life was like before said child. Well, I SO TOTALLY REMEMBER! And so I present:

5 Things I Miss Now That We're Parents for Real*:

1) I may as well state the obvious first: I miss uninterrupted sleep (minus a trip to the bathroom once - or five times) and all those other related activities - in the words of Shalee over at her Diner - *ahem*.

2) I miss not having to spend a good part of a church service deciding whether or not to take the Little Goat out of her carseat. The Little Old Ladies who sit behind us probably think we're some heartless parents who don't love our child enough to hold her (if they only knew that feeding her amounts to holding her for 8 hours a day). In reality, I don't want people to fight over who gets to hold the new baby first (or second, etc)....and my healthcare-employed husband is turning me into a germaphone.

3) I miss buying things that we want. This sounds selfish, I'm sure, but between diaper wipes and stupid nursing bras...I'm already sick of it.

4) Getting through a whole chapter in a book without interruption. Better yet, reading any book that doesn't pertain to children.

5) Five minute stops at the grocery store. I don't think I need to bother elaborating on that one.

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Also, Happy 100th Post to Me! <- That's a reminder so you can all congratulate me.

* These aren't necessarily complaints, I'm just...observing.**
** Okay, fine! They're pretty much complaints. Hmph!

Ouch!

This computer sounds like it's about to blow up, so I'm just letting you know that I won't be posting until it's fixed. Don't know how long that will be.

I'll miss you. In fact, I may just pine for you.

The Next Jack Hanna

Recently overheard at the J home:

(The Little Goat is wailing in the background.)

Husband: We should have gotten a puppy.

Bren: I tried to convince you....

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I'll preface this next quote by telling you that Husband worked a regular day yesterday and then was on-call last night, then a regular day today and on-call tonight. That's 32 hours of on-call/work in one weekend so he's a little, er, tired.

(Shortly before 3am, Husband arrives home after being called in.)

Bren: How'd it go?

Husband: Fine. Hey, I saw all kinds of wildlife on the way.

Bren: Oh yeah? Like what?

Husband: On the way there, I saw a whole family of raccoons crossing the highway! There were all these babies following the parents, but one hesitated and went back over to the side of the road. So I got out and tried to herd it across the road but it ran back into the bushes.

Bren: So you were on the side of the highway at 1:30 in the morning, herding raccoons?!?

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Yes, Friends, the minute Jack Hanna retires, I think I know a good candidate for his replacement.

Pulling a Britney

Well, we are officially horrid parents, I'm sure. Went to church on Sunday and realized AFTER we got there that the base of the Little Goat's car seat was only sitting in the car, it wasn't actually attached. Yes, we felt horrible. No, it won't happen again. Hopefully. We sure weren't intentionally stealing a page from the Britney Spears Book of Modern Parenting.

In other news, she now weighs roughly 8 lbs: when we took her to the Dr. last Thursday, she had gained 10 ounces in a six days! She's already grown more than an inch too. My deduction? Bigger baby = bigger poop = UGH!

So Grama is visiting (Grampa stayed home this time but will be out in September; Nana and Papa will be out next week) and we decided to try out the restaurant in town. They don't have a menu per se, but usually offer five different choices of 'entree.' One of Sundays entrees was Chop Suey. For your convenience, I'll offer Miriam-Webster's definition of Chop Suey, which is as follows: "a dish prepared chiefly from bean sprouts, bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, onions, mushrooms, and meat or fish and served with rice and soy sauce."

However, seeing as we're up here in Northern Maine where apparently that definition got a little lost in translation, I should warn you that Chop Suey - Northern Maine-style - consists of ziti and rigatoni pasta cooked with stewed tomatoes and hamburg. Yes, hamburg. There's no 'er' on the end of that either. It's not hamburger (as in most of the normal free world), it's HAMBURG.

Some day, the Husband and I will compile a longer list of the strange word-isms that Northern Mainers have come up with. Some of them are truly asinine. In the meantime, I have a sleeping Little Goat on my lap so I should put her in her crib and try to get some things done around here.

P.S.

Just in case you've been wondering:

Mingle² - Online Dating

Based on one occurrence of the word 'torture' I rate a "G." I'm appalled. I guess I need to swear more or something. My Mom would definitely not rate this blog a G as it contains stories of childbirth. My friend Bryan would also definitely not rate this blog a G based on the overabundance of references to breastfeeding (sorry, Bryan, if you're counting, that's probably reference #8467).

I wonder what kind of words I have to use to rate PG?? No worries, I won't start experimenting...

On the Other Hand...

...last night's "sleep" consisted of a grand total of two very interrupted hours of what almost doesn't even count as sleep. If I was really narcissistic, I would post a picture of my tired self here so you all could tell me how great I look in spite of my tiredness. But I won't. You'll have to feel sorry for me sans photo.

A Brief Reprieve

Just thought I should check in and let anyone who cares know that since my Mom is visiting, blog posts will be rather stingy at least for another week. Then we'll see.

We had a wee breakthrough last night in that the Little Goat (quite what she sounds like when she's sleeping) actually slept in her crib for an hour and a half before she got up for her midnight feed and then when I got her back down at 2:30 (again, in her CRIB!!), she wasn't up until just before five, bless her little goaty heart. We got sleep!!! Hooray! Oh it felt good!